This client knows what he knows, and that ain’t much.
I was working on a flyer design for an orchestra’s upcoming annual summer concert. Since there had...
I was working on a flyer design for an orchestra’s upcoming annual summer concert. Since there had to be a photo on the background, I chose one from the previous year’s concert. It was a photo of some public and a stage. There was really small pixelated orchestra on the back and a pixelated shape that seemed to be a conductor’s back in front of them.
Client: That is not the right conductor. Please Photoshop our current one into the photo!
Me: I’m not sure that’s as big a deal as you might think. The conductor is such a small part of the image that most people won’t even notice, especially since it’s going to be even smaller when printed.
Sensing that it would be easier to just do it than argue any further, I exchanged one tiny conductor’s back for another tiny conductor’s back.
That’s when I got another, angrier call:
Client: Some people from the orchestra have also changed! Changed them too!
A client wanted a full-color banner in less than one day.
Client: Use these hi-res photos.
Client: Make sure you keep the file size small without affecting the quality.
Me: Uh… these photos are pretty detailed and hi-res. I’m not sure I can compress these without sacrificing quality.
Client: Yeah, don’t change the quality, but definitely make the file smaller.
Me: *close email window*
Me: *shut down Mac*
Me: *walk into ocean*
Client: We need this database migrated tomorrow morning.
Me: OK, no problem. I do charge a rush fee for a quick turnaround like this.
Client: Now isn’t the time to price gouge. We might have a lot of work for you in the future.
Request from a client who worked very closely in designing his website with me, yet still apparently...
Request from a client who worked very closely in designing his website with me, yet still apparently thinks it was delivered from the sky by some omniscient web-stork.
Client: On our site, I’d like to add a map of all our locations nationwide.
Me: Ok, can you send me a database of all the addresses?
Client: I don’t have that. You’ll have to check the website for a list of addresses.
Me: There’s nothing like that on the website.
Client: Quick answer… you didn’t even check.
Me: I don’t need to check because I made the website, and I know nothing like that is on there.
Client: Ok, then see if you can contact the webmaster, they will know.
Me: I AM the webmaster… remember last year, when we made this site together, using information you provided?
Client: So you have no idea and you’re not even going to try to find out. Well, that’s very disappointing.
Me: How do you expect me to know the locations of your business when you, the boss, do not?
Client: That isn’t my job.
I’m an editor, working for a publishing company that writes literature for the pharmaceutical industry. We work with doctors, fact-checking every single text we work with. It’s very important because people’s health is involved.
I got an email from the marketing director of a huge multinational company about a paper a doctor submitted. He had some concerns, so we talked it over with him and made a few edits for both grammar and medical content. At a certain point he said we should move forward, saying:
Client: It does not look coherent but it does not have to be. The important thing is that it is clear.
…I think it might have to be coherent, too.
I do freelance illustration as a hobby. Because it’s a side thing, my prices aren’t high: just $20...
I do freelance illustration as a hobby. Because it’s a side thing, my prices aren’t high: just $20 for a lineart sketch and $35 for colored.
Client: I’d like the cheapest commission option.
Me: Okay, what do you want?
Client: I want a design of my character, but can you color the sketch?
Me: I’d have to charge more for that.
Client: but you just have to put color on it! It won’t be hard.
Me: Yes it will.
Client: I could do that in five minutes, so why can’t you just charge the uncolored price for it?
I work for a carpet printing company as the designer/file prepper to print. I try to give my clients...
I work for a carpet printing company as the designer/file prepper to print. I try to give my clients the best service I can and often overextend to solve problems for them. This usually keeps them very satisfied with my work and gives the company a good image but sometimes I think I let them get a little OVERconfident in my abilities.
The following e-mail correspondence took place with one of our biggest clients, worth five digits a month.
Client: I have just found these photos online. Can you check against our artwork files that all these are our carpets?
Me: Are you asking me to manually look through all of the hundreds of our files since 2013 to see if these photos contain a carpet you’ve ordered? That’s 1500 very large files.
Client: No, the ones we supplied two weeks ago.
Meanwhile, as I’m searching for them in between my work, my boss calls from offsite. The client had apparently called him, asking for the same thing. Needless to say, I had to double my efforts, all in between my actual work. I received the following subsequent e-mail sometime later in lieu of a thank-you:
Client: Can you send to me the artwork preview for the attached order from last year, please?
It’s gonna be a good week.
I’m a web developer. I was contacted by a client who owns a per-minute psychics website and hotline...
I’m a web developer. I was contacted by a client who owns a per-minute psychics website and hotline to make some changes to his site. I’d worked with him before, and although his suggestions were a bit odd sometimes, he paid in full and on-time.
Both the website coding and design were pretty straightforward and easy to work with. One page showed a list of psychics’ profiles, their photos, and a small blip to show whether or not they were online and available for calls.
Client: I need to make it seem like I have everyone available. Put the same green “ONLINE NOW” blip on everyone. I’m pretty sure the psychics would see it coming and find a computer to chat from.
Me: What if that psychic is asleep, or busy, or otherwise unavailable?
Client: Just do it already.
And so, I did. Two days later, he calls me again to fix a problem with the website because their four-man support center team got flooded with calls about psychics not being online, and kept insisting this is all MY FAULT because the calls started pouring in after I made the changes.
Needless to say, I eventually got fed up with him and his odd requests and dropped him as a client. His company went broke a couple months later.
You’d think he would have seen this one coming ;P
Client: Sorry, we don’t sign contracts for non-physical assets.
Guess I’ll just provide you “non-labor” then.
This week’s deal is on 400 high-resolution paint textures.
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Normally these textures would sell for $1 apiece, or $400 for all of them — but for a limited time you can get all 400 for $14. That’s 96% off, or just $0.04 per texture. Literally pennies per element!
> Check out the deal here!
I have a video production business and a potential client was referred to me. This is been one of...
I have a video production business and a potential client was referred to me. This is been one of the most unpleasant experiences I’ve ever had in 19 years of doing business.
The client was a realtor who wanted a sales video for a property he was developing into condos. He was difficult to negotiate terms with, changed what he wanted several times (at various points he asked for a thirty minute video, a two minute video, and a two hour video) dragged his heels when paying a deposit, rescheduled our shoot date 4 times and attempted to change it a fifth, and did not sign off on the script until I sat him down the day of the shoot and made him finalize it with me… and THEN he tried to change it again a few hours later after the shoot was done.
He sent a very insulting and condescending email to me after the shoot. Here is an excerpt:
Client: I hate to say it but sensed it would be the case when I showed up and saw the type of camera you were shooting with and that you were alone without any gear other than a small fairly basic camera. My full frame canon with wide 17-24 is superior and even isnt considered in the higher end professional quality for video and photography. Still a $5000 set up though. From what I saw yours was a couple thousand dollar camera body and lens at best.
I shoot with a canon DSLR, wide frame lens, with a pro tripod, slider, etc… which is more than up for the job. Also, please note that the budget for this video was $1000, which doesn’t exactly cover a film crew (which he seemed to expect). \crew to show up for the day. While negotiating I told him it was going to be about a 2-hour shoot.
Me: I’m sorry you feel that way. If you’d like I can give you the raw footage and you can have someone else edit it.
Client: No, you should do it.
We had a deadline to finalize the video, and two days before the deadline in the morning I sent him a screener with watermark and timecode burn for him to approve. That afternoon:
Client: You know what? I’ve had enough. If you don’t get the final to me by this evening I’m not paying you.
Me: The deadline we set was two days from now.
Client: You heard me.
I design and make custom dance outfits. One client, upon realising that I not only wanted to be paid...
I design and make custom dance outfits. One client, upon realising that I not only wanted to be paid for the materials but also insisted on being paid an hourly fee (as per the contract they had already signed) gave me some suspect career advice:
Client: You could waive that fee if your deadbeat husband just worked a little harder. Why should I pay you to do your hobby?
1. This is my actual job, not just a hobby. These costumes pay my bills.
2. I don’t have a husband.
I started my first freelance project a few days ago. After sending the first round of my designs, I...
I started my first freelance project a few days ago. After sending the first round of my designs, I asked for feedback.
They said “make it more artistic”.
In the initial meeting, they asked for a corporate feel.
It’s like I can see my entire career stretching in front of me.
I have a client who does this thing where she doesn’t read any instructional emails and will say “I...
I have a client who does this thing where she doesn’t read any instructional emails and will say “I dunno, it doesn’t work,” I guess hoping that I will just do things for her. She recently asked me to add her mom to her Google Analytics account….and I guess it runs in the family.
Client: Hi, can you add my mom to the google analytics account?
Me: Done, she can log in using her email credentials. She should be getting a confirmation email as well.
Client: What’s the link to log in to Google Analytics?
Me: It’s just analytics.google.com. She’ll be prompted to log in.
Two days later:
Client: My mom would like access to google analytics, she been added yet?
Me: …Yes, she has access.
In asking this question, the client replied to the email where I gave her the link to log in, as well as instructions.
Another two days later:
Client’s Mom: When can I have access to Google Analytics?
Me: Uh… You’ve had access since Tuesday.
Client’s Mom: Weird, the link you sent me to log in doesn’t work.
She includes the link that “isn’t working, and not only did I not give it to her in the first place, it has nothing to do with analytics.google.com.
Me: (repeatedly banging head against wall).
Client: I need email blasts… Show me some examples by tomorrow and make sure you keep track of your...
Client: I need email blasts… Show me some examples by tomorrow and make sure you keep track of your hours.
I did what he asked. The next day:
Client: What the heck is this? I said email blasts… like this!
What he pulled up were long-form email newsletters.
Me: Oh, ok, that’s more like a newsletter. “Email blast” usually means shorter communications while newsletters are…
Client: (angrily cutting me off) No… NO! This is an email blast. I call it an email blast, so this is an email blast! Do an email blast!
What options do you have if your client is a thief AND stupid?
I work for an agency as a content specialist. We began work with a local branch of a larger corporation. The branch manager put us in contact with someone at corporate for access to their content management system. There were several emails back and forth and it was clear the person I was talking to wasn’t sure what exactly we needed. I explained that we had approval from corporate to curate blog posts from the main site on the branch’s site, and that I needed access to the CMS to post the blogs onto the branch’s site.
Client: Duplicate content is a MAJOR NO! This is a red flag. As an SEO specialist, you should know this will negatively impact the site! All blogs for each branch site must be different. Attached is a document that will provide you with blogging direction.
Attached was a document titled “How to Write a Blog Article.” Thanks for explaining how to do my job to me, I guess.
I was working with a client who I didn’t know that well. I don’t want to use his real name, so let’s...
I was working with a client who I didn’t know that well. I don’t want to use his real name, so let’s call him “John.”
He wasn’t paying his invoice so I called the number he gave me.
Me: Hi, am I speaking go to John?
Client: No, I’m afraid not.
Me: Can I speak to John then?
Client: No, he is not available, and I don’t know when he’ll be back. Can I take a message?
Me: I’ll call back, but I’m just checking in about an invoice I sent him. Thanks!
I tried calling four to five times, and every time John was “out of the office.” Eventually, I got suspicious and called, trying a different topic.
Same voice as before.
Me: Hello, John!