Client: Why are BOTH these tablets already dead? What were you doing on them and why weren’t they...
Client: Why are BOTH these tablets already dead? What were you doing on them and why weren’t they charged?
Me: …Did you try turning them on?
Client: How the hell am I supposed to turn them on? I don’t know how to do that!
Me: How do you turn your iPhone on?
She then stares at me blankly as I pressed the button on the top right edge of the tablet - the near-exact same spot where the power button is on her iPhone - and sure enough, it powers up to 100%, ready to use.
Client: …Well, why did you turn them off in the first place?
Got a poster design job. The client worked for someone who was converting their nightclub to a restaurant.
Client: We need a poster done, and a double-sided flyer so we can pass out, and we need it tomorrow. We want it to be fashionable and trendy.
It was 9pm when I got the message.
Me: It’s not possible. I need more time than that.
Client: Ok, the latest we can do is the day after tomorrow.
Me: I will try my best. Please give me the info you want on there along with examples of designs you want.
Client: Here’s our logo, and here’s some text we might change. Make it scream fashion!
Me: Have you not finalized that? We don’t have much time.
Client: We’ll finalize it tomorrow.
I made a design I really liked, sent it through the next day.
Client: This is not fashionable.
Makes another one, sent that night.
Client: Still not fashionable!
Me: Okay, can you give me an example of what’s “fashionable” so I have a better idea of what you mean?
The client sends me this tacky poster, I hated it, but I made something like that.
Client: My boss said no to this one. Here are the images he sent.
The Images that were sent were old posters when it was a club: lens flare, dancing girls, table service…
I did what I was asked.
Client: Ok, boss approved. Good job!
I got paid, but I died a little.
I do freelance graphic design on top of a full time job. I make sure my clients know this so we can...
I do freelance graphic design on top of a full time job. I make sure my clients know this so we can schedule accordingly. A friend contacted me asking if I had time to do a flyer for his new business. All he sent me was a photo of their business card and some text.
Me: I work the rest of the week but I’ll have a little time to work on it at night.
Client: No rush on it. We’re really not ready to launch much yet. We just want something ready and want to see what you can do.
Me: Okay, no problem.
Client: How’s it coming?
Me: Well I’m still at work so I haven’t had time to work on it. So I’ll have to message you when I get home.
Client: Like I said, no rush.
Client: How’s it coming?
Me: Well I’m at work but I’ll be working on it again tonight.
Client: Okay, no problem.
Client: How’s it coming?
I show him my work.
Client: Okay. No rush. We just want to get it printed and mailed this weekend.
Client: How’s it coming?
Me: I’m at work I’ll have to message you after.
Client: Just let me know when you’re going to email me your stuff. We want it printed by this weekend so I don’t want to rush you.
Client: How’s it coming?
Me: I just woke up and I work today. I’ll be working on it after work.
Client: Okay no problem. We just wanna get them in the mail hopefully today. Email me when you’re home.
“No rush” apparently means four days that I work my regular job. Which means I’m charging a rush fee.
Client: Hey, we looked up the name we were going to use and a lot of other tech companies already...
Client: Hey, we looked up the name we were going to use and a lot of other tech companies already have that name. Just use this fake name in all the presentation materials until we decide on our new actual name.
There is so much wrong with this I don’t even know where to start.
Client: I can’t log in to the network!Me: Did you check your cables?Client: Of course!Suspicious, I...
Client: I can’t log in to the network!
Me: Did you check your cables?
Client: Of course!
Suspicious, I checked the ethernet cable… and then actually pushed it into the socket.
Client: Oh! That works now!
A client was using WordPress for their website CMS with a very old theme installed, one that didn’t...
A client was using WordPress for their website CMS with a very old theme installed, one that didn’t allow for a lot of design flexibility. A few months ago they were thinking of switching to Squarespace so I sent them a deck outlining the differences between WP and Squarespace, but they never asked about it again.
Client: I am so frustrated with our website backend and the complete lack of design flexibility it affords. I want our pages to be DYNAMIC! Our PRINTED material (attached) is WAY more dynamic than our web page. How can this be? I would love any insights you have.
Me: As for print vs web design, that’s kind of a big discussion…Not sure how to articulate how your CMS works via email in a way that would address your frustrations, but I can jump on a call to explain and take your questions.
Client: I obviously understand that there are differences…however, it seems like our backend is particularly limiting to design, no?
Me: Remember this thing I sent over a while back? [link to deck] it might address some of your concerns on how WP works.
Client: I don’t really have the time to educate myself on website design.
Oh. I guess I was mistaking “asking questions” for “wanting to know answers.” My mistake.
This week’s deal is on 50 fonts that are the perfect way to evoke a summer afternoon!
Creating designs for summer events? Developing beach-town branding? Or do you just want fonts that feel retro, modern and oh-so-cool all at once? Then look no further than the 50 typefaces available in this package. Each one feels like a different aspect of a summer day, and every single one is fully Insta-ready. I’m a big fan of the Bartender typeset and the Voyage Culture pairing, and can already imagine all sorts of projects to use them in. See for yourself!
All 50 fonts would normally retail for $15, but for just a few more days you can get them all for only $10, at a savings of 93%! Sell ONE design with these and you’ve made that back and then some.
I’m a programmer for a start-up, building a web system for medics. The app is cloud-based and has a...
I’m a programmer for a start-up, building a web system for medics. The app is cloud-based and has a free-trial period of 14 days.
Client: Hey – I paid for my subscription, but I still see the “free-trial” button. What gives?
Me: That’s really weird, sorry! I’ll give it a look.
I started scouring the app’s code to find out what could be producing an error like this, but everything seemed okay.
Me: Sorry to bother you, but could you send me a screenshot of your error so I can try to reproduce it?
Client: Sure, here you go.
He sent the screenshot, but it wasn’t of the app – it was our website, where the promo banner said: “start your free trial.”
An old client of mine asked me to send him a layout so that his team could edit it. It was a really...
An old client of mine asked me to send him a layout so that his team could edit it.
It was a really simple design, so I figured I’d comply – it would make both our lives easier if I wasn’t responsible for every change. I sent him the open PDF.
Client: You must have sent the wrong file. I can’t change anything.
I sent him the AI file.
Client: Nope, still doesn’t work. I can’t even open that one.
We had a bit of a back and forth before I realized he was trying to edit BOTH files in Acrobat Reader.
I was designing faceplates for a small guitar amplifier company. I delivered the files drawn to every specification the client provided (even though his technical drawings were sloppy and hard to read).
Me: … and here’s the second faceplate.
Client: Awesome! But the first hole looks too far to the right– it should be 0.8 inches away from the side.
Me: It is 0.8 inches from the side.
Client: No, look, the space looks way bigger than that.
Me: Well, if you look at that little box there it shows that the distance between the side and the hole is exactly 0.8".
Client: The space needs to be smaller.
Me: If I make it smaller it won’t line up with the other components. I assure you it fits the technical dimensions you sent me.
Client: I don’t know man, it just looks too wide.
I changed it after a few emails back and forth and him “wondering if I was looking at the right measurement.” He paid in full, and he’s ordering the faceplates today.
I’m expecting an email demanding I change it back in 5, 4, 3, 2….
I love the icy resolve of this web developer.
I work part-time as a tech for some smaller clinics and medical facilities in the city. Most of the...
I work part-time as a tech for some smaller clinics and medical facilities in the city. Most of the time the work is a simple installation of programs, troubleshooting, or teaching doctors how to use their devices.
As of lately, however, a few of the doctors started tackling issues on their own. Entirely commendable but, they have broken their fair share of equipment lately because they just don’t know tech very well.
Thus at one site, the “chief” asked me to provide basic training for our doctors. During this training, I kept getting a lot of confused looks when talking about navigating Word.
Client: I’m clicking and it’s not working.
Me: (clicking to test) It’s definitely working, let me see you try.
Client: It doesn’t work!
I look to see what’s going on when he clicks. Turns out, the right-click menu appears.
Me: Are you left-clicking?
Client: No! It’s easier for me to right-click. Left clicking makes my finger hurt.
I had to proceed to label each different button on their mouse with a silver Sharpie and explicitly say “Click 1” or “Click 2” from that point on.
What’s worse is some of them are still in their 20s and don’t know how to use a computer.
Doctors don’t intimidate me anymore.
I do freelance voiceover on a popular website.
A client asked me two weeks ago to record three nursery rhyme songs for her, to which I happily agreed to.
She sent me the instrumental track and the lyrics for the first song. I sent her the final product, after asking for a few audio reference tracks, to make sure I emulated her vision. Two days later:
Client: Is there a way you can make your voice sound… more like an adult?
Me: How do you mean?
Client: You know. Like an adult teacher, singing to her class. Like an average person.
Me: So, a bit less energetic in sound, and more straightforward?
Client: Yes! Well, that…And lower.
Me: Lower? Like in pitch?
Client: Lower. Like an adult.
After confirming that she did want to change the song’s key, I explained to her that I would be more than happy to either sing down the octave or wait until she could transpose the music a few steps down.
Client: I found this music instead. Let’s go with this?
The file she sent me was another file, to a different song, still in an incredibly high key. I sent her a sample, to which she unexpectedly approved. I recorded the entire song and sent it to her.
Three days pass by with no response. Finally:
Client: This isn’t working out. I’ve decided to go with someone who can sing higher (!!!!). Hopefully we can work on another project in the future.
No… I… I don’t think we will.
I was doing an ad for a company. They wanted to show that they provide excellent customer service. I...
I was doing an ad for a company. They wanted to show that they provide excellent customer service.
I chose a stock image of a smiling woman standing at a desk, in an office with a headset on. The image projected everything the client said they were looking for: open, friendly, approachable, helpful, etc. I did the ad with their tagline and logo. Easy job – or so I thought.
Client: We don’t like her in the office, can you have her outdoors? What about changing the color of her hair? Not crazy about blondes. Can she be by a car or van instead? Take off her headset, she doesn’t look professional. We don’t like her dress, can you put her in something more casual, like a tennis outfit? I think if she were more “mom-like,” our customers would connect with her better. Her eyes are too blue and she looks too sexy. Make her plainer and change her eye color.
It didn’t stop there.
I was doing a commissioned embroidery:Me: So roughly how big would you like this piece?Client: Um…...
I was doing a commissioned embroidery:
Me: So roughly how big would you like this piece?
Client: Um… About the size of a digestive biscuit?
Yeah, because there’s no better unit of measurement than “snacks.”
We develop software and provide hardware from a third party the software runs on. We contacted a client to do a simple upgrade kit swap. This client is a serial meddler and can’t just leave things alone and must always have some kind of input himself.
Me: We’re sending the new kit down to you today, a courier from the hardware supplier will collect the old kit in a couple days. Our guy will install the new stuff when he delivers it.
Client: Got it, we’ll handle that.
A couple days pass, the client calls in a panic.
Client: Nothing is working, we came in this morning and it’s all wonky!
Me: Strange the engineer tested everything after the install…
Client: Oh… I may have swapped the kit myself.
Me: Why would you do that? We told you our guy was going to do the install. Where is the new kit now?
Client: I boxed it up last night and I gave it to the courier this morning.
Me: You did what?
Client: Can you get it back? I really need to be back up and running very soon…
Me: …We’ll see.
It’s been two days now and we’re still waiting on the new hardware getting sent back. The client has also agreed to pay for our engineer to attend the site again and re-install the new kit.
We were asked to do an internal video for a large corporate to show how the company wants a dynamic...
We were asked to do an internal video for a large corporate to show how the company wants a dynamic team.
Client: The video definitely can’t showcase any of our people or the office itself. I thought we should have some clips from Martin Luther King, Bill Gates and a couple of other big names.
Me: Ok, so none of your staff are to be in it, understood.
Client: Well there obviously needs to be some of the staff in it, 7-8 at least. I thought you guys were experts!
Client: We want you to do a video for our new brand. We need two separate edits for social and the...
Client: We want you to do a video for our new brand. We need two separate edits for social and the website.
Me: Okay great, can you send a creative brief with more detail and we’ll give you a quote.
Client: We just want it to tell the story of the brand.
Me: We’re going to need more detail than that. Do you have a deadline or timeframe for the project?
Client: Well the brand launches next week so we need it for then.