Client: I need you to make another site for me. I’ll give you the info this afternoon tomorrow, and...
Client: I need you to make another site for me. I’ll give you the info this afternoon tomorrow, and the site will go live on Monday. Think you can do it?
Me: Oh, you’re serious? No!
Client: Ok, so Monday it is!
This conversation happened on Thursday. The deadline was “Monday.”
The content came in on Tuesday.
I work as a freelance web developer handling a lot of contract work from local businesses. I get a...
I work as a freelance web developer handling a lot of contract work from local businesses. I get a lot of word-of-mouth referrals. This client had been introduced by email to me from another previous customer.
Client: I’d like to get a quote for you to do these things: [proceeds to give an enumerated list of items]
Me: I’m going to need a day or two to research and prepare a quote, and I’ll get back with you.
Two days go by, I prepare the quote
Me: Alright, it will be $XXXX with a 2-3 week delivery timeline. Let me know how you’d like to proceed.
I don’t hear anything from her for two weeks. I figure she decided to work with someone else. I was also preparing to go on paternity leave for a week or two when our baby was born, and I didn’t want to have a ton of freelance projects in my queue that I would miss deadlines on.
Client: Hi, below is the last email I sent before today. I’ve been waiting for quotes from you on the following three issues. I’ve assumed you’ve been working on them. Please let me know where your work for me stands.
Now, mind you, she has at no point given me any money yet, nor given me credentials to get into her CMS to make the actual changes. Also, I did give her a quote on the issues. Apparently, she just has an issue with not reading emails
Me: Yes, I already sent an email quoting these issues, I’ll paste it again here.
I don’t hear anything for a few days, it’s starting to get closer to the due date of my baby.
Me: My wife is due to have our baby within the next week, and, while I would love to continue to handle your project myself, I’m trying to keep my queue as open as possible so that I am able to deliver on the timelines that I promise. I’d love to recommend an associate of mine, X, for you to contact with the needs of your project.
Probably good timing on that email, too. We had the baby the next day.
Client: (ignoring the “my wife is due” email) I need an ETA today on this work. Thanks.
Me: I’m going to again paste an email I’ve already sent regarding this project. To give you a further update, my wife had our baby this morning! So, I will not be replying to additional emails from this point forward. Here is the email I sent yesterday.
Client: If you give me an ETA, you can bill me today.
Plants are easy to take care of. If you feed them the right things and give them the right amount of water, they absolutely will grow and thrive. People, and by extension businesses, can be more tricky.
Agricultural consultant Sarah Taber (and host of Farm to Taber!) is great with plants, but she’s also learning how to be great with people too. She talks to Kyle about why freelancing means paying attention to your clients and working with their emotional investments (even if you’d rather be doing anything else).
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Client: I don’t like this guy’s sweater. Can you take it off, and if he’s not wearing anything beneath it, put a shirt on him?
Me: You can’t do that in Photoshop.
Client: Why not?
The client had requested an infographic to market their service on whatever social media platform...
The client had requested an infographic to market their service on whatever social media platform they love. I submitted it on time and quickly got an email back.
Client: This is really good! We just need a small change. Our business name isn’t prominent enough. Can you make it bigger?
25-point was big enough for this small infographic, but I said sure and submitted a revised one with the business name in 35-point font.
Client: Actually, the name is too big. I’m sorry, but could you make it smaller?
I used 30 point. Resubmitted.
Client: Sorry to be a bother, but could you make it a bit bigger? It looks too small this way.
I used 33 point. Re-resubmitted.
Client: We really need this to pop! It needs to be bigger. And to be honest, we’re having some concerns, as we didn’t think this process would take so long.
I used 34 point. Re-re-resubmitted.
Client: Why does this infographic need so much work from our end? And the name is still too big!
I explained that I cannot use 33.5-point fonts and that I’m only trying to meet their repeated requests for changes.
I never heard back.
This week’s deal is on high-quality, custom die cut stickers from Stickermule!
Stickers rule. That’s just a FACT. Especially when they’re custom cut to your design and printed on high-quality, durable, weather-proof vinyl. Whether you have a mascot character and want to show folks just what’s yours in style, or you’re delivering a custom order of logo stickers for a client, this is an insane deal for great quality. I’m ordering 50 stickers of just my smiling face, and when they show up I’m going to slap those bad boys on everything I have even a half claim to. Just to let people know who’s boss.
That’s $9 for 50 stickers, or 87% off the normal price of $69. And by the way — shipping is FREE.
"Use a hyphen between the times and dates instead of an en dash. Include a space on each side. Like..."
- A wrong person.
Client: As a part of our new “Healthy Choices” initiative, we would like to include an image of a...
Client: As a part of our new “Healthy Choices” initiative, we would like to include an image of a person holding an apple.
Me: No problem, I’ll start putting together some stock images for you to choose from.
Client: No need, we already have a great image you can use!
The client then sent me a grainy image of a conference room taken from their phone.
In the foreground, taking up about half of the image were tables cluttered with numerous “Hi, my name is…” cardboard folds, water bottles, coffee cups, half-eaten pastries, and papers.
Along the top of the image was a skewed section of ceiling and fluorescent lights.
And about twenty feet behind the tables were a group of about 15 people clustered in front of a whiteboard. They were barely more than silhouettes, and in the very back you could just make out a raised arm holding something.
Apparently, they were holding an apple.
A few years ago I worked as a freelance web designer before focusing on web development. My second...
A few years ago I worked as a freelance web designer before focusing on web development. My second client was a local plumber with 3 employees. He asked me to create his new website.
Client: Hey, can you help me with my new website?
Me: Of course, what do you want?
Client: My website should exactly look like my business card. With a fixed height and about 4 static pages. Ah, and I won’t pay more than 300 bucks.
The business card was designed in a bright green, a royal blue and white font color and several graphics matching his business.
He sent me his card as a PDF. That’s all he had…
Long story short: I did it, cried, and didn’t tell ANYONE that I made his website.
I was making videos promoting cruises in Canada. We had sound effects of waves crashing and gulls crying in the background.
Client: Can we change the sound? The gulls sound British.
I didn’t realize that gulls had accents.
I worked overnight to get something urgent done for a client that they needed “FIRST THING IN THE...
I worked overnight to get something urgent done for a client that they needed “FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.”
They didn’t acknowledge receiving it until nearly noon:
Client: Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. It’s been a crazy morning.
A client gives spiritual advice, while John Hodgman and Justin Long remain locked in an eternal battle for our very souls.
A client wanted a way for potential customers to contact them directly with specific info, rather...
A client wanted a way for potential customers to contact them directly with specific info, rather than going through the normal (generic) sales inquiry system.
Me: I created an online contact form for your potential customers to fill out. When they click “Learn More” on the product page, they’ll be taken to the form. It has specific questions about their needs and time frames so you can tailor your sales pitch accordingly. You’ll just need to login to this website to get the info.
Client: Nah, I don’t want to do all that.
Me: Do all what? Log in to a site?
Client: Yeah. Just have the potential buyers fill out the generic sales form, then you contact the Sales team to alert them, and have the Sales team filter out all the product-specific ones that should be directed to us, then they can forward those emails to us and we’ll sift through them.
Me: …So rather than have qualified clients delivered to you automatically, you want to pay the sales team to do all that sorting manually?
Client: Yeah, this will be simpler.
This is a part of an UpWork project I stumbled upon:
PLEASE READ BEFORE APPLYING
We do not like whiners. Review the codes and deal with it.
Client: My webpage isn’t loading.
Me: Is it just YOUR webpage that isn’t loading, or ALL pages on your browser?
My client wanted me to prepare a content plan based on four presentations about their new campaign...
My client wanted me to prepare a content plan based on four presentations about their new campaign strategy.
They sent me the presentations – they were very confusing. Parts contradicted each other, and at no point did they explain the purpose, nor the message, of the campaign.
Me: Hey, I’m going over these presentations and they’re not very clear. Can I get some more details from you directly?
Client: Everything you need to know is in those presentations.
Working with what I had, I created several proposals. Each one was rejected WITHOUT COMMENT. At this point, I gave up.
Me: Look, I’m sorry but I’m really in the weeds here. Can you give me some specific examples of the message you want to send? I’m confused about the whole campaign.
Their response was pure gold:
Client: Well, we’re pretty confused here too. We’re not sure what our campaign should say either.
I made some flyers for a client as a rush-job. Apparently, his previous designer was not keen to work with him anymore. Gee, I wonder why.
Me: Do you want me to put together a new design for your flyers?
Client: No, just copy the style from previous years.
Me: Are you sure? These are pretty basic. I could whip up something really attractive quickly.
Client: I insist.
The previous flyers looked like they’d been done in Word… but a job’s a job. I did what he asked with a quick turnaround.
Client: Thanks for the flyers, they look great. I’ve sent them to the printer
Me: Glad you like them. They were low-res proofs though, I’ll send you through the print-ready version for your printer.
Client: No don’t do that, the version you sent will be fine.
Me: Uh… the printer definitely needs a print-ready copy. I can send it, it’s no trouble.
Client: I’ve been working with these printers for years, they’ll let me know if it’s not fine.
Me: I know I saved it low-res. I can assure you now it’s not good enough to print. It won’t take me long to send it to you, how about I send it just in case? I know this is a rush job and you need it printed tomorrow, but I won’t be available to do it tomorrow.
Client: (getting annoyed) I’ve been working with these printers for years, I know if it looks fine on my screen it will be fine to print. I have other work for you to do so don’t worry about this and clear your schedule.
He didn’t give me any other work that day – I didn’t need to “clear my schedule” at all.
I don’t think I’ve ever worked for anyone who wanted me to do my job less.
Client: I want to return this product. I ordered a deodorant with aluminium salt. Instead, you sent...
Client: I want to return this product. I ordered a deodorant with aluminium salt. Instead, you sent me a deodorant with aluminium salt.
Me: Of course you have the right to return our products without stating reasons. However, to avoid any possible misunderstandings could you please specify the problem with this order?
Client: I don’t get what was so hard to understand about my complaint?
- My client, every day, for the past 2 weeks.
Client: So 100 for what? For every year?
Me: Yeah, you get hosting and domain for $100 a year.
Client: Hosting Google and everything?
Me: …You get hosting and domain management for $100 a year. Not search engine optimization. .We do however submit your site to Google.
Client: Hosting Google and everything?
Me: What do you mean by “hosting Google and everything”?
Client: Don’t know.